The worse thing that could happen in a test/exam is that you thought you got the solution when actually it’s not. If you thought you got the solution, you will probably not think twice about whether it’s correct or not. So in the event that its not, basically you are screwed because throughout the entire duration of the test/exam, you are basically having the false hope that you got it right and its not going to be a nice outcome.
Well, that happened to me just now during the VHDL (hardware language) programming test. I wouldn’t say it’s disastrous, yet it’s suffice to say that I am not satisfied with my performance as I have allowed complacency to get the better of me.
Having said that, it’s also of note that my little mistake will probably not affect my grade by much. Yet, I have somehow allowed this little issue to affect my mood and sulked my way home. It’s only halfway throughout the bus ride that the reason for such undesirable action dawned upon me.
I have been stressing myself too much this semester, even though I am only taking 5 modules. I am stress because I am quite close to the borderline of an honours classification leap and this is the semester which will pull me to higher honours. And in order to achieve that, I have to get more A’s than any of my previous sem, I have to be close to perfection. I tried too hard, in my silly pursuit for perfection.
It’s ironic, that in my silly pursuit to perfection, I have inevitably revealed my imperfection in character. And in that silly pursuit of what I thought would matter, I have neglected so many things in life including friends, family, fun and my health, particularly this semester I realized.
I have neglected my friends. I have rejected outing invites, I have failed to initialize weekly lunch date with a good friend and I have neglected certain group of friends, all in the name of “I need to study”.
I have neglected my family. I didn’t kept my promise that I will help out my mum resolve certain stuff in her work, I have yet to repair the powerpoint in the kitchen which spoilt weeks ago and I have not really spoke to them for quite long, all in the name of “I need to study”.
I became selfish, self-centered, in my pursuit of the dreams which I thought would matter if I achieved it. Even after achieving that, will I then be happy? Our wants are endless, after achieving this one, there will be another and another. When will we then ever be satisfied? I failed to see that I ought to be satisfied with what I have, and not to be dejected with what I dun. It’s quite sad that it took me so long to learn to appreciate things around me; I am such an ingrate I realized.
For now, I feel that I should just try my best in the things I do and not to be so concern with the letters and the classification that are after all insignificant labels that does not define who I am. Employers assess you based on you, not your grades.
Man, I dunno why I wrote this entry, maybe I think too much, maybe sometimes it's just good to let it all go.