I was excited and motivated for a while; I thought there was hope. Yet, that was just self-delusion I soon realized. And when reality knocks back, I realized how far I am from my goal and a sense of disappointment, sadness and then regret coursed into me. Hope is such a double edged sword. Sometimes, I rather not have any hope at all, for it has always caused me more harm than good. Yet, I still grip on tightly onto my hopes, hoping what I hope for do really come true one day, for that’s the only driving force that kept me going.